come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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