he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
