So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
