i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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