Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
