allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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