I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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