angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize