i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
