I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
