A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
