I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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