I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well you can't waste a boner
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm getting married
To pizza
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
