What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
