During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He shit in the fireplace
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
