Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
