I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
