before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
