So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
