So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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