so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
