kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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