im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
