Soap is not a condiment
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
