dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
