you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize