Christians are straight up FREAKS
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
