okay pat passed out under dana's car
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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