He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off