Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE