Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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