Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
