I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
