I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I stole a fireplace last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
