Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
