bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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