Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
