When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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