dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You have to summon your inner elephant
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
