i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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