I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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