No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You made out with two different species that night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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