he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
