She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
