So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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