I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
