i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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