and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
