i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
