Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
