You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
