At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize