best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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