ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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