Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
