I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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