life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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