He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
