Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize