ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
