It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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