...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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