after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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