I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
