I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
