if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
