help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
