I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
