Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
