your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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