whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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