barbara walters just said penis...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
