one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
