if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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