You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize